I suddenly feel like summer is over. It grows dark sooner, and as soon as it gets dark my heart grows heavy. I try to fight against the depression. I’m trying to live in the now and to stop worrying and not to ‘order’ stress by being afraid of it and imagining it vividly. But I often do. And that stresses me even more! It is ruining my holidays! It’s annoying!
On Saturday I have a trial class for adults. I am nervous because it is an intermediate class. But the lady on the phone said I should come. I want to be brave and go. Perhaps it will be great!
Today, it was fine and hot. Maybe the last time here in S. So I arranged for Charlene, Marina and me to go to lake G to swim and have a picknick. On my way, driving through the country in the bus, I was listening to my new music. I got a little sad, but tried to consciously associate the music with beauty. It was warm and sunny, clear and dry. The trees and meadows were green green green, the sky was blue blue blue, the clouds like fine veils, like freshly washed hair. For a moment I was so happy! I somehow almost cried with joy, but in some way also from pain. It was a perfect day!
G is a pretty village. I met Marina and Charlene and we found a place to have our picknick. Unfortunately, they had no desire to make a fire or to eat a little more elaborately. They just had sandwiches. I ate and then wanted to go swimming. The others said they would maybe come later. So I went alone. At first it was cold, but then it was wonderful! Being in the water was wonderful. I still had ‘Three Wishes’ in my head and was floating/dancing through the water. I dared to more or less do what I wanted, namely diving, turning, port de bras in the water, floating. All around me was the beautiful green countryside, above me the blue sky with the wind-blown clouds. It was just plain beautiful.
Charlene and Marina were sitting there talking. Once I asked them whether they wanted to come, but they didn’t want to at all. They had a little party in the evening and didn’t want to get lake water on themselves. I was a little disappointed, but only a little. We left again rather soon. We parted at the main station. On my way home I bought some small macaroons. Gossip Girl made me think of macaroons. I feel rich when I buy or eat them.
In the evening I went to ballet class. It was ok, but the diplomat’s daughter or something whom we were expecting didn’t come. Instead a new woman came, entirely new. She couln’t do anything yet. I felt almost guilty because she was so lost. Only a little proud.
(This entry was translated from German. I tried to stay as close to the original as possible, so it might sound a little strange.)