Petrified

I have spent a frustrating week. I wasted so much time because I was afraid to study. I had some nice moments too, like the afternoon in Es and the afternoon in Bi and the day full of tea and thunderstorms.

Yesterday, I had an amazing class. It wasn’t that I was particularly good, I just felt challenged and inspired in equal measures. I had the intention to just go for it and I did it. It was so nice and I really had the feeling that I was dancing.

But then I got home and ate much too much and felt sick and lethargic. I became extremely tired and went to bed and slept for some hours. Then tonight I slept for about 9 hours again. I don’t know whether it has anything to do with my asking my guides, hs and angels to reach me and teach me and work on me to make me more open, conscious and to reach my goals.

Oh, how I wish it was easter sunday again! And how I wish I could enjoy AND use my free time more! I just seem to sit for hours at my computer, living vicariously through forums and blogs, learning things about life by only reading about them instead of living them. I am so afraid of bad feelings, doubt, failure etc, that I am petrified! I feel cut off from the world, trying to hide my fears. I feel deaf and blind, like I’m stumbling around in the dark. Nothing is secure, I feel uprooted. Questions like “Where am I going to work, where am I going to live, how much am I going to earn, who is going to be with me?” are all still unanswered. There is a bend in the road of my life and it is approaching fast and I have no idea what is going to be around the corner. It is unsettling! I hate that state.
Now I’m crying. I felt those tears inside me for some time. Maybe the feelings will pass once I aknowledge them. But it hurts, I am afraid..

I cried for a few minutes. I felt fear, stress, anger, insecurity. I also think I felt a presence behind me, very subtly, I just knew somebody was there to comfort me. Maybe I just imagined it because I have been reading about angels. But I firmly believe in them and it is so comforting! I feel calmer now. Mam is having coffee and I’m going to join her, have tea and chocolate and be with my family for a while. It will do me good.

Then I will prepare for my job interview and then I will study! It will be good and all my heavenly helpers will help me!

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Abundance, Ballet, Family, Friends, Health. Bookmark the permalink.

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