Christmas – Pros and Not-so-pros

Only four weeks left until Christmas! I am slowly getting more and more excited: Two weeks off, quiet days at home, time for myself and family, time to do things I love but had to put aside for my all-encompassing goal of dance and weight loss. I plan to make sushi, knit lace, play the harp, tidy up, watch films, make my own pasta, alter my clothes that are too big and spend a few dusks up on the terrace of the Sun Mountain, looking out over the city, swinging and listening to music and watching the stars come out. And Christmas itself, with gifts and candles and fun. Oh, it will be great!

But there are worries, too. So much time at home. Things are strained at the moment. I feel it on Sundays. Ever since my sisters read my old blog over at Blogger, and since I have been changing my eating habits and losing weight, there has been this tension between us. We had talks, and they helped some. But Dinah is taking it very badly. She hasn’t been well, and she always tells me that seeing me do what I do triggers all her old thoughts that she hates. I REALLY try to be discreet, to not speak about calories, weight loss, exercise, changes I see. But she is hyper-aware of everything. To satisfy her, I’d have to move out or go back to my old ways. And I’m not going to. Sissy, my other sister, is also rather annoyed, although I can talk to her better. I don’t know what will happen when I’m home all day over the holidays. I don’t want to be the cause of a fight. But I also don’t want to feel caged, having to hide in my room or bear the tension if I come out.

Then there’s the food. ‘Sunday breakfasts’ every holiday, rich meals, chocolates, Christmas cookies. And when I have time and there’s all this food, it’s so much harder to eat well. Will I manage to lose weight? I would guess not. Maybe I’ll take a break, just making sure I don’t gain. I don’t want to stop, but I know myself. I will very very probably eat more in this situation. And I also don’t want to feel at war with myself all the time. We’ll see, there is still time to decide…

And then ballet. Most classes will obviously be cancelled. Franca, my main teacher, wants to take ten days off. I don’t know about the others, but it’s time to find out. I don’t want to stop and lose what I have worked so hard for. Maybe I could have the studio and practice for myself? Smiley already said she’d come, too. We could do our own class, it would be fun. And of course I want to continue with the cardio. Last Friday I went to the gym and did interval training again. It gave me such a high! And I have been doing my arms and Pilates exercises more regularly, and found out that they don’t kill me after all. It’s all going well, and I am in a nice routine now. Work, ballet or exercise, figuring out points with my feet in an ice bath, sleep. Every day. Saturdays, it’s two long classes, some shopping, a bath, family dinner and sleep. Sundays I cook, iron, clean, pay bills and then try to do something relaxing. Sounds lonely, and maybe it is… But at the moment, it’s what I want. And while I have energy and motivation, it can’t last forever. I DO need a break soon, I can feel it. Stress at work has increased as well, all the Christmas gifts still have to be bought, and I have lots of appointments…

But let me finish with a good thing: I have saved enough money to buy that lovely Finnish down duvet for my bed! And my Christmas gift from my family will be a pale golden duvet cover with leaves. Heaven!

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Ballet, Bed, Family, Health, Stuff, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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