The clear marbles at the bottom represent the weight I lost in spring, almost without trying. The golden ones are the ones above 100 kg. The divider represents ‘allowed-to-start-jumps weight’ of 81 kg. I used pounds, simplified to half a kilo, to make it more motivating. It was supposed to be a visual aid and motivating tool in my weight loss. But seeing how far I still have to go, only to reach a ‘normal’ BMI, was kind of discouraging…
Still, I won’t give up, I won’t lose hope. I never believed I could lose weight, and actually feel great while doing it, too. Now I am. So what if it takes time? “What’s another year?” if my dream can actually be achieved? Yesterday, I was below 120! And a lovely old lady from our ballet class told me she could see I lost weight, and “ballet shows on your body”. The second remark made me even happier than the first one! Belinda also said I was so much stronger. My lower calves feel very hard to the touch, almost all muscle and tendons and bones. I can feel my new strength there. My toes lost some weight, if you will believe it, and my knees, when bent at the right angle, stick out a little!
In Franca’s school, the floor is rather sticky, so turns are really hard for me. It’s physics: friction increases with weight. I need so much momentum to get around that I throw myself off balance. Incidentally, balancing on the ball of the foot when you are twice the size of a normal person is also much harder. No wonder I still can’t turn normal pirouettes from fifth after four years, I tell myself. It’s not that I am just a bad dancer, I just have more obstacles. But it is frustrating nonetheless: to see rank beginners get half decent turns when I have put in so much work. But the good news is, in the other ballet studios I take class, in Deep Well and H, the floor is less sticky. I get around my turns, even if I still struggle with balance and consistency. Last week I managed a few good ones, where I felt centered. And would you believe it: it was fun! It felt like floating around in the water, or being suspended from the ceiling, effortless. Also, while they still scare me, I am coming to enjoy pirouettes at the barre finishing in retiré. I think I’m beginning to look at turns differently, as things to look forward to. I’ll get those doubles en pointe one day!
On Wednesday, I got a flu jab. They never used to bother me before, but on Thursday I was feeling dead tired all morning. At night I felt feverish and exhausted, and I stayed home from work on Friday and just tried to rest a lot. Yesterday morning, everything was better and I decided to try class. I managed both classes, but the second one with Rosa wasn’t very strenuous. She corrected a lot of details and coordination things, so we did less, which was good for me. I also got an iron infusion because I have slight anemia, and maybe with the training and everything my body just needed a break. Thankfully, I only missed one day of exercise. I worked out today, and am finding that it actually relaxes me instead of trying to ‘rest’ and just getting more and more tense inside. Maybe I’ll make Friday my rest day from now on.
Anyway, I did a kettlebell workout off youtube (tried to do it, rather). Fatchicktofitchick had made me curious, and since our neighbours’ son has an arsenal of kettlebells sitting on their patio, I nicked one and gave it a try (of course I’ll put it back). The smallest one was 12 kg, and it was much too heavy for certain things. I did one round of exercises and couldn’t finish most of them, but I felt how effective it would be. Maybe I’ll give it a try some time, but with a lighter weight. Then I did pilates and a plank, again inspired by the Plank a day challenge from Fatchicktofitchick. I managed to hold it for 22 seconds. When I used to do them on the power plate, I had worked myself up to 30. And the plate vibrates, which makes it much harder. I really really lost strength! Then I stretched and had some sort of late lunch. (I ate mango. The last time I had mango was maybe in August. Why? They’re delicious, and I’m getting really good at picking ripe ones.) Ok, enough ramblings for now.