Phew

So, I’ve been in Lausanne for three days now, and have hardly had time to sleep enough, let alone write. There is so much to watch, and I took some classes myself, too. In a way, its very inspiring to see these young, talented dancers. But then it’s also demoralizing, and I’ve had a few bad hours. My own efforts look like nothing compared to these bodies and skills, and my joy and ambition and inspiration to dance seem ridiculous, amateurish, wasted. I want to dance like them, or even better, and I know I never will. I don’t want to be famous or a ballerina or anything, it’s just a wish, no, a NEED to dance. My spirit wants to move in a way my body will never allow. There was a swell of melody tonight in class, for example, and I wanted to bend with it to the end, but my rigid body stopped me, while the anorexic-looking tiny advanced student folded in half in a graceful arc. In such moments I think: if I stop eating and stretch all day, maybe I could achieve that. But then after a few years my body would grow too old and stop me anyway. And I don’t have the discipline. I do eat, especially in this situation. I eat too much every day, because I am all alone and nobod knows me, because I am slightly stressed, because it comforts me, who knows. The drive to lose weight seems half gone, and I feel fat again in this environment of thin dancers, thin teachers and thin ex-dancers. Sigh.

No, but really, while I have bad moments, I’m really enjoying myself most of the time. I try to see who is good and why, and while before I could hardly tell, now it’s getting easier. I try to learn from the candidates, their timing, their corrections, their artistry. It’s inspiring to see the coaches and teachers work with them, to see them improve. But when they walk past me or sit in the audience, I am too shy to look at them or speak to them. I may watch their every move, judge their dancing, their behaviour and their bodies, but when they look at me I look away and act as if I hadn’t noticed. They seem to me like people of a different order, and I envy them and admire them in equal measure. It’s even worse with famous people like Tamara Rojo this afternoon, or Monique Loudières. I could have asked them for autographs or told them how much I admire them, but I’m scared. Still, it’s exhilarating to be so near people I only knew from videos or photos.

There have been endless classical and contemporary classes, coaching sessions and run-throughs on stage to watch. It’s impossible to see everybody, because the events overlap. So today, I focused on the boys’ coaching, seeing them do their classical variations for the first time. I would have loved to watch the girls’s second session and see how they have improved, but didn’t want to miss the boys. A few of the contemporary pieces had to be missed today, because I wanted to hear Tamara Rojo speak and then had class. It was worth it, too. She said many interesting things, and some inspiring ones. For example, that the dancers who last are always the hardest workers, not those with the greatest talent. Also, she advised the young dancers to choose with their heads more than their hearts when it comes to choosing a school or a company. To be honest with themselves as to who they are NOW, and what they want to do, and what they need to learn etc, giving as example her own well-reflected journey from smaller companies to the Royal Ballet, her big dream. She said that the smaller companies taught her what she needed to know before being able to blossom in the Royal Ballet. It was really exciting to stand there and see her ‘live’ just a few metres away. My own third class at a local studio was successful as well. I was still nervous, but managed to be a little more confident. The studio is run by dancers from the Béjart Ballet, and they are also responsible for the wonderful Prix de Lausanne videoblogs on Youtube. I took classes from two male ex-Béjart dancers (and one of them was heartbreakingly beautiful). The classes were ok, beginner and advanced beginner-level adult open classes. Nothing special, in fact, but enough to keep me from losing all my strength. There were no individual corrections, and I missed the friendly atmosphere of my classes at home.

Tomorrow, the program will be less full. There will only be the Selections, i.e. every candidate will perform their two variations on stage. I’m going to take notes and hope my favourites so far will make it to the finals, and wonder how the others who stood out for me will do. Simon Acri with his intensity, the Australian girl whose name I can’t remember and whom I can’t stop watching, Miko Fogarty who was unremarkable in class but dynamic on stage, the tall Brazilian (I think) who had absolutely no confidence today and needed extra coaching, the smallest boy who has talent but really struggles, the French girl Elisa Lons, the Chinese girl with the perfect body, the Russians, the tall Englishman with incredible ballon, all of them really have become familiar, and I want them all to do well.

Now I need to sleep! The finalists will be announced tomorrow evening, as far as I know, on the Prix de Lausanne website.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Arts, Ballet, Health, Music, Travel, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s