Doing Something

Since my last post about the situation with my sister, I have seen Mrs. H and told her about the whole situation. What she did was get up and physically push me into a corner of the room. “This is your current situation,” she told me. To have it made so clear to me definitely helped. Isn’t it ironic that my little sister, who is constantly telling me how domineering and overbearing I have been towards her in our youth, and how much I still am, has pushed ME into a (figurative) corner? I realised that I can’t remain in that corner, especially since Dinah is continuing to push. But I also feel like I can’t push her back, because there is a chasm behind her and pushing back would make her fall. Mrs. H told me I HAD to push back. That I had to do what I do and try not to think about my sister, because the problem is HER problem. It is her problem, but she has projected it onto me and is fighting me. It takes two for a conflict. I need to set boundaries, to block her aggression. I agree that it is her problem, but I can’t break my promise and start weighing food or talking about calories in front of her. I am afraid it might really trigger an eating disorder in her, and I don’t want to be the cause of that. For her sake, but also for my own sake and for our whole family.

Mrs. H also told me that maybe it was time for me to move out. Not for my sister or for family peace, but for me. And part of me would like to move out, but sharing a flat scares me. I told her that I was worried it would be too stressful, always living with ‘strangers’, wondering what they think about me , trying to please them. Then Mrs. H said: “You mean like now, with your sister?” And she’s right! It’s exactly the situation I was afraid of if I moved in with a roommate. Just that my ‘roomate’ at the moment absolutely hates me and makes me responsible for all her problems and issues.
So, I looked around and found a seemingly o.k. flat to share, and wrote to them immediately. Now I’m waiting for an answer. I don’t want to have too many hopes, because the disappointment is too painful. Law of Attraction would actually encourage me to visualise and daydream about something I want, but I feel so torn about moving out that I’m sure my ‘vibrations’ about it are all messed up. Better not give it too much thought instead of resistant thought. The last flat I found was PERFECT for me, and I dreamed and planned and hoped, but didn’t get it. I’m still grieving the loss of that flat and my whole imagined life there.

Until the living situation is sorted out, I’m going to do something about my sister. I’m going to ‘push back’ a little. Not to hurt her, but to make my life at home a little more bearable. I’m going to try and be less aware of Dinah and her mood, and especially stop imagining what she might think about me. She’s going to think bad things about me anyway, so there is no use in trying to please her. One day, she will have to face her own issues in HERSELF. But it’s nothing I can help her with. I had to work on my own issues, and so does she.

I do feel better after writing everything down and discussing it with Mrs. H, and also about considering moving out FOR MYSELF. Let’s see what happens…

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Dreams, Family, Law of Attraction, My Flat and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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