Something amazing and incredible happened. After the last post, I somehow felt more ready to move out and accepting of the fact that I wouldn’t be able to move into my dream flat right away, but would most likely have to share. Still, it might be better than the situation at home at the moment. I had a calm and relaxed attitude towards this topic, whereas before it had always been longing for my own place, mixed with grief over my ‘lost’ flat, and stress when thinking about house hunting.
The next day I went to work and really enjoyed my day, taking class at night and coming home late, tired but happy. As soon as I entered the house, my sister Sissy came and told me that her best friend might have a flat for me. Her parents own a house and there was this one room flat becoming available. There were two other people who were interested in it, and if I wanted to I could go and look at it the next morning. The price was very modest, but still too high for me. Nevertheless, I agreed to take a look. Then I did some calculations, and found to my dismay that I could only afford the flat if I practically gave up ballet. This made me miserable, and after some soul-searching, I decided that while moving out and living on my own was one of my biggest dreams, dancing was more dear to me than that. I COULDN’T give up ballet. I’d rather share a flat or continue to live at home. Without ballet, or with only one or two classes a week, I would shrivel up and die inside. I went to bed almost regretting having cancelled the Saturday morning class, but calm and accepting of the fact that I had to sacrifice or postpone one dream for another.
The next morning I spoke to Mother, and she told me I HAD to take the flat, it was the opportunity of a lifetime. I told her about ballet, and I cried and said I felt very selfish for feeling this way, but it couldn’t be helped. She then said that she and Dad had talked about it and agreed to help me pay the rent until I make more money. They understand how much ballet means to me, and she said than it was ballet that had helped me through my difficult times at University and the first year of working, and now it was ballet that helped me with weight loss and inner growth. They don’t expect me to give it up. I was incredibly grateful, but found it really hard to accept their offer. I want to be independent and not selfish. And we are not rich. But they said it was normal for parents to help their children financially, and it would be ok.
Now I had hope again, and Sissy and I got ready and went to the house. It is only five minutes away from home by bus, and ten minutes away from work, and with direct bus lines to all my ballet schools! Perfect. Sissy’s friend and her mother greeted us and showed us around the flat. It is half a floor above ground level, generous, with a bathroom and kitchen, hallway and tiny balcony, as well as a rather large room. Large windows, fake wood floors, attic and cellar space, electricity and heating already in the rent, loads of cupboards (important for small spaces) and it’s furnished! But the furniture can be moved out if needed. It is perfect in every way: location, size, price, neighbours, EVERYTHING. And guess when I could move in: 1 May! Just last week, I had taken that whole first May week off from work. Perfect again.
I looked at everything and and filled in the application and the landlady said I should sleep on it and decide by noon today. The decision would be made this evening. Then we said goodbye and went home, me jumping up and down all the way to the bus station. Sissy’s friend texted her shortly after, saying I stood a very good chance of getting the flat, because the other two people were men (and the last man in that flat hadn’t cleaned the bathroom for four years) and one of them only wanted to stay a few months, so he wouldn’t get it anyway. Besides, our mother and the friend’s mother know each other and Sissy and her friend are very close, so that must be another factor. I was happy and hopeful all yesterday, went to the second class with Rosanna, took a bath, prepared my lunches for the week, made pizza and had a lovely night. We talked some more and agreed I had to take the flat if I got it. And I wanted it! Then, this morning, I told Sissy I still wanted the flat and she texted her friend, and five minutes later she had the answer: I got it!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE! Excuse me if I go mad for a little, but WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! My dream, my lifelong dream of my own small place, has just come true. I’m going to have my own kitchen! My own bathroom! My own letterbox! My own windowsill (I only ever had a skylight or french windows in my bedroom)! And it came so suddenly, out of the blue! I didn’t have to look at advertisements and look at lots of flats and fill in forms and collect documents and write applications and hope and fear, it just came to me. It came to me at the perfect time, in a wonderful way. If I needed any more proof that the Law of Attraction is real, here it is. I believe I created that flat long ago, and added to it with every thought of ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if…’ And as soon as my resistance to moving out had lessened, the very day after I noticed a shift in my attitude, it was free to manifest itself.
There are lots of small things I can think of in retrospect, things I changed or suddenly thought of, indicators of my changing attitude: Imagining my life in that flat I wanted in November 2011, and enjoying the detailed daydreams without the former bitterness; imagining how nice it would be to have my own kitchen with my own fridge full of healthy food, no longer feeling as ashamed as I used to because I still haven’t moved out; starting a detailed accounts book, etc. etc. Even Dinah’s behaviour seems like a blessing now, because experiencing what I DON’T want helped me focus on what I want.
I wonder what else there is, waiting for me on the brink of manifesting into my life if I will only allow it. Wonders upon wonders, I am sure! Oh, life is GOOD!