Finn, Weight, Ballet, Tolkien…

Well, I’m still a little obsessed with cats. I look at Finn’s picture and check my e-mail several times a day. The current owner (I’ll call her Miss M for now) hasn’t written back since Monday. I suggested this Saturday for a visit, and I really hope it will work out. I long to meet him, but I’m also quite nervous. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m allergic to him? I once slept with two cats in the same bed for several nights and noticed nothing, but it also happened that I got a rash on my hands from touching a cat, so I’m a little scared… I don’t want to be allergic to Finn. Miss M also wrote that she lets him go out now, because he was so unhappy, and he is so friendly that he approaches strangers to  let them stroke him. I’m worried he will be stolen or hit by a car before Christmas… Or that Miss M is having second thoughts and doesn’t want to give him to me after all. All silly fears. I’m afraid that as soon as you love somebody, you get such fears and worries. Instead of enjoying the positive, I begin to fear that it might end. Just today I read: ‘Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.’ So, I’ll stop worrying now.

Weight loss is standing still. After that crazy weight loss week, I only lost one pound the next week. Last Friday, I had a ‘controlled’ binge, that means that I consciously chose to overeat. I had been feeling restless and deprived, and fantasizing about food. At the same time, I had been afraid of another ‘bad spell’. So I ate cake and pizza on Friday night to ‘get it out of my system’, so to speak. The next day, I was back on plan. But my weight went up and has been staying there for days. Today, it went down again a little, but it’s still higher than Friday. I have been trying to balance feeling ‘free’ and eating healthy. But I’m a little frustrated.

I should be happy, really. My time of the month is over, and I had only one binge meal and one sad day, and that was only half as bad because I could comfort myself by thinking of Finn. If this is it for this month, I will have peace for the next few weeks, and hopefully reach my goal. Today, though, I noticed signs of a beginning cold. But I WILL stay healthy! It is already better, I’m only a little tired.

The whole Finn thing has temporarily made me lose a part of my passion for ballet. I still took every class, but I had moments where I wished I was somewhere else, or where the prospect of still more pliés and tendus seemed less than inviting. There were some good pirouettes last night, though. I really have to work on spotting. If I could spot twice, I could probably try doubles soon. At the moment, my head stops me, it just won’t spot twice. Now that I wish I could speed up the time till Christmas, when Finn will move in, ballet will be a great help. It will keep me busy, making time pass faster. And during that time, it will help me lose weight and improve technique. So even if I don’t feel like going to class sometimes, I will go.

I also keep thinking about Tolkien’s books a lot, especially the Silmarillion. Don’t know why, really. I’ve listened to the audiobook by Martin Shaw so often that I know whole parts of it by heart. (He has a great voice for it, even though he doesn’t pronounce all the names right.) My old map of Beleriand is hanging on the door now, and I just ordered a print from the wonderful artist Jenny Dolfen (her blog is on my blog list on the right) who paints the most beautiful, yet dignified and strong-looking Elves. She paints them just the way I always imagined them (not like in the films), and I especially love her Maedhros, Fëanor and Fingon.

In a little more than two weeks, I’ll have a week’s holiday. I’ll have time to install the cat door and build the ladder for Finn. The plans are already drawn.

Here is another photo from Finn’s advertisement. I couldn’t help myself…

He's curious...

He’s curious…

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Ballet, Health, Law of Attraction, My Cat, My Flat and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Finn, Weight, Ballet, Tolkien…

  1. The Dancing Rider says:

    It sounds like you are doing well, despite minor things here and there. It is amazing how the addition of an animal to our lives can make such a difference. One has more than oneself to think about. Which balances one’s activities as well, resulting in perhaps a slightly different perspective on our lives. Love your entries. Hope this all works out! Yay on the pirouettes! I also like Tolkien, though have not read (or listened) to him for ages. Most familiar of course with the films, which I loved.

  2. RO says:

    Ahwww that little kitty is awesome! He’s so pretty 🙂
    I have days like yours, in which I feel like I’ve lost my passion for ballet but also for being healthy and making good choices diet-wise. But somehow you always get back on track and continue doing the things you love and feel the love for it flair up again.
    Hope you won’t get ill! Try to take in some vitamins and enough sleep in the meantime.
    And spotting, man.. don’t get me started. I think I’m a lost cause!

    • annalienor says:

      Isn’t he? I can’t wait to meet him. Miss M hasn’t replied yet…
      It’s sometimes difficult to be motivated to train and eat well all the time. But as you said, the love for ballet always returns.
      And don’t say you’re a lost cause with spotting! Force yourself to spot with every turn and it will one day become a habit.

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