Giselle, Prix de Lausanne and Motivation

I am extremely motivated to progress in ballet. Gaining strength and control as well as flexibility are my main goals at the moment. Quality, precision and a greater vocabulary of steps, too. I have trouble with balancing, relevé, turns and of course jumps. My turnout is very small and my back is quite stiff, although it has improved lately. But everything would be easier if I were thinner, so I really want to lose weight.

For the last two weeks, I have been eating really well and working hard during the week, only to eat too much and unhealthy food on the weekends. Somehow, I felt deprived and missed the food and the complete relaxation and sense of freedom my brain has associated with overeating. So, I chose to overeat when I had time. But by Monday, my weight loss of the week was gone and I had to start all over again. This week, I have decided to eat less on the weekend, and have only one unhealthy meal. It’s no use otherwise. I think I am getting used to dieting again and am getting stronger to resist cravings. Besides, losing only a few pounds gives me such a sense of confidence and joy! I don’t want to be at this weight any more, I feel fatter now than I felt last year at 117 kg. I want to go on and can’t wait to see changes and success!

On Monday, I went to the cinema to see Giselle live from the Royal Ballet. June came, too. She is still out with her injury and is getting really discouraged. I really don’t know how to help her. It’s just a difficult situation. I’m so glad that I don’t have an injury.

The ballet was really good. I’d seen this version once before with Marianela Nunez. The acting was convincing, even in close-up, and the dancing was realy great. Osipova danced Giselle, and she was so touching, so bouncy and light on her feet, so natural and modest! I really loved it. And it made me realise that the whole technique of ballet, the penchés and fouettés and arabesques everybody obsesses about, is only a tool, a vocabulary, for telling a great story. Yes, you need the words and you need to be able to say them beautifully, but the words are not the story. What is touching isn’t the height of a leg, it’s the melting of the dancer into the music and into the character. In a way, I was discouraged after seeing the ballet, because it made me realise that I will probably never be able to dance like them. But it also inspired me to go on, because I love it so much. The beauty, the feeling, the steps, even the endless tendus. I just love it.

This week is the Prix de Lausanne! Last year, I spent a few days in Lausanne, watching the classes and coaching. This year, I’m not even going there to watch the final. There is no time, and it’s too expensive now that I have to pay rent. Part of me regrets it, but there are lots of videos on Youtube where you can see the dancers. They’re very good. Clean, beautiful technique. Watching them has helped to inspire me even more! I WILL lose weight and I WILL get better! I need to be more diligent with stretching, especially the uncomfortable stretches I tend to cut short. I need to work on core control and pulling up, on my feet, my turnout, spotting and balancing. I’m getting used to jumping a little. Still only sautés in first, but more than four. They make the small muscles in my feet sore, but my joints feel fine until now. I’m shy about jumps in class. In jumping, I’m a total beginner. I can’t manage to stretch my feet every time, parts of me jiggle and I feel heavy and weak after a few jumps. I’d like to practice changements next, but will do them at home before I do them in class. I can’t bear to look ridiculous or make mistakes in class, especially when all the others are better.

Ok, that’s all for the moment…

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Ballet, Friends, Health, Moment and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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