Snippets and Thoughts

These last four days were wonderful. I managed to let myself truly relax, sleeping in, cooking and eating a lot, not thinking about the usual things like work and weight loss and worries. I feel refreshed and ready for work, even though I would love some more time for myself.

I was extremely strict with dieting the week before Easter and saw great results. I will continue with that next week. But this break was nice, too, and I don’t regret it (for the most part).

After the last post, the feeling of actually having made some progress in ballet lasted for only a few days before GFT made me feel like the worst would-be dancer in the world. She corrected me mercilessly on placement and keeping my pelvis aligned and actually got angry at me for making mistakes. I felt very discouraged after that class. But I went to the other classes every day, trying to work on her corrections, and this week she praised me and said that I was doing much better and had actually applied her corrections. This surprised me, but it made me happy. There is no ballet class today, which is actually good because I haven’t had a rest day for weeks and noticed that my desire to dance was very low for the last few days.

On one or two evenings I went to the playground and sat on the swings, listening to music and looking at the sky. I used to do that often last year on spring evenings, but hadn’t done it for a long time. It’s such a lovely way of moving, almost like flying. It always helps to relax me and give me a more positive mindset.

On Friday, I went with Mother to visit my grandmother, who lives in a nursing home. She didn’t recognize me at first because I look so different from my fat self. We looked at old photo albums together. I am now ashamed of how I USED to look. At the time, I managed to ignore it or block it out. And that is a good thing in a way, because feeling good about myself was the first and necessary step that allowed the weight loss.

I brought Smiley to the class with GFT this week. A few months before, I had already tried it, but she wasn’t interested. GFT pounced on her and corrected her droopy arms and her back. Smiley said she loved the class and wants to come regularly. In a way I am happy for her because she loves ballet and wants to improve and GFT is a good teacher who can help her a lot. But I am also afraid that she will be better than me if all her issues are corrected. She has a better body and is younger. Ah well, there is my silly jealousy again. If I had truly wanted to prevent Smiley from getting better, I wouldn’t have mentioned my other teachers. But even if the thought crossed my mind, I didn’t do it. It would be too mean. I’m glad that I took her and that I’m not truly a mean person, even though I have such thoughts. It’s nicer to dance together and to have a friendly, fair kind of competition where each one tries to work harder than the other and both get better in the end.

I forgot to say that on Tuesday, I did double pirouettes for the first time in Mandy’s class. I didn’t manage to spot twice, but I turned twice and landed decently and she saw it and said it was ‘official’. Yay!

This morning, I went home for breakfast and Dinah let me meet Tippy. It was so nice to be able to cuddle and pet him and he was happy to see me again. I wish I could pet Gina!

There have been lovely, clear, cool and windy sunny days and starry nights for the last weeks. I love this time of year and this weather, such beauty everywhere! Oh, wind and a clear dusky sky and then stars and stars…

So, I have to go now. The sun is setting and is actually peeking through the rain clouds and I want to visit my swing.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
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5 Responses to Snippets and Thoughts

  1. RO says:

    Sounds like you had a nice class! And I do recognize your sense of jealousy. Sometimes it’s hard to be fair about it to yourself, so I applaud you on that! We had a girl in our class that was very good (she taught contemporary dance herself) and she’s gone now. Sometimes I’m actually glad about that fact because I was getting pretty sick of always hearing how good she was. Maybe it’s mean, well, so be it. But sometimes I’m glad she’s gone!
    Good job on your dieting and also on allowing yourself to enjoy yourself and let go for a bit.

    • annalienor says:

      Thanks for your comment. Oh, I know, it can be very annoying if one student is praised all the time!

      • RO says:

        Haha yeah, and it’s just with one instructor. She has these little ‘projects’ as we call them in our class, that she takes under her wings and gives all her attention and praise to. This can be very frustrating indeed..

  2. The Dancing Rider says:

    Beautiful entry. I liked that you are honest about the jealous feelings that arise here and there. I know I get so sick and tired at riding of hearing my peers (who have ridden over a year longer than I have) get loads of praise, while I just get harped on continually!

    I had to laugh at your friend’s droopy arms being corrected. I have that, too, and it made my laugh at myself. Of course, I am not even close to the type of dancer you are. Still, I love it no less.

    It sounds like your classes have been good. You have improved, and now you are relaxing a bit – which is also very good. 🙂 (Not to mention a double)

  3. annalienor says:

    Thank you!
    And come on, stop saying you are not a good dancer! You’ll make it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everybody was a beginner once, and my arms were droopy for years, and still are sometimes when I don’t think about them.

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