I have to write this down quickly. The last two weeks have been hard for me, but at the moment I’m so happy I could burst!
This morning, I went to class with Belinda. We were only five students. After class she called me back and said she wanted to talk to me.
I don’t remember every word, but this is pretty much what she said to me: You’re looking really good. You really look like a dancer. I love watching you. You have a lot of talent. You work very, very intelligently. You’re my star pupil (now this isn’t true, she works with preprofessional dancers and they are worlds better, but she said that was a different thing altogether).
She said ballet wasn’t for everybody, that it takes a certain kind of person, and that I was that kind of person. That I had a certain humility and a wish to understand, to ‘see how the inside of the watch works, and not just wear it right away’. And she said that the first time I walked into her class almost four years ago (at just under 300 lb.) she thought: What is SHE doing in my class? ‘But then you stood at the barre and you lifted your arm and I knew, I saw that ‘it’ was there. Of course I knew that you had a very long way before you, but you have come far on that way.’
I was so happy when she said all that that I hugged her. I know that I try to work hard and from the inside out and not cheat. And humility develops automatically when you begin to understand how very hard ballet is and watch professional dancers and compare yourself to them. And I can feel that I have ‘a feeling for ballet’. She told me this before, one or two years ago, and it was a ‘milestone in my life’ for me. Back then, she had said: ‘There is a dancer inside you waiting to come out.’
I know I’m far from where I want to be, so I hope I’m not in danger of developing a swollen head. I’m still much too fat and can’t always do decent pirouettes and my turnout, flexibility and lines are very limited. I’m behind in jumping and haven’t even started pointe yet. But this praise and acknowledgement just made me so happy that I wanted to write it down.