The Promised Big ‘Weight Loss Goal’ Blog Post

I have reached my goal: I weighed 68 kg/150 lb. today. Normal BMI. 70 kg/154 lb. lost.

Now I can buy pointe shoes. And feel proud!

WLPside3

During and After. Starting Weight 138kg/304lb.

My Weight Loss
Back story
I was always fat, even as a child. During adolescence, I developed binge eating disorder and gained a lot of weight. I left school at my highest weight ever: 142,5 kg/314 lb. I tried to lose weight, on and off, but never got below 130 kg/ 287 lb. I was mostly 135-132 while the eating disorder came and went. It finally almost disappeared when I discovered intuitive eating and began eating without guilt, but I didn’t lose any weight. I started taking ballet classes in September 2008 after trying to teach myself for months, but still didn’t lose weight. In the autumn of 2011, I weighed 138 kg , which I took as my official starting weight.

Slow Change and Start
In the spring of 2012, I started craving crunchy salads and finding pleasure in being more active. I lost seven kg without any feelings of deprivation or stress, just doing what felt good. This was new. It was easy and wonderful. My self-confidence and joy of living grew. One day, I decided that I would try counting calories and losing some weight. I didn’t really expect anything (that’s why there are no starting pictures), but I started officially in August 2012.

During and After. Starting Weight 138kg/304lb.

During and After. Starting Weight 138kg/304lb.

Getting Serious
In autumn, I got really serious. I joined Weight Watchers and discovered a great new passion for ballet that led me to take a lot more classes. I read about healthy eating and what and when to eat to maximise fat loss and keep my muscles. It worked, I lost weight and felt great and motivated. I had a short bout of depression and binge eating in January but then managed to get back into my routine. I moved out of my parents’ flat in May and reached the milestone of 100 kg shortly after that. Then there was a phase of mood swings and cravings that made me overeat during the summer. It got better again and I was almost at the ‘no longer obese’ mark of 81.5 kg/ 180 lb. when I got into a horrible slump in the autumn of 2013.

Slump and Struggle with Binge Eating
I was feeling bad about myself and comforted myself with binge eating. For two or three months, until the end of 2013, I ate too much and gained back almost 10 kg. Then I went back to dieting during the week but kept overeating on the weekends to ‘relax’. I still lost weight, though. I was trying to be extremely strict with myself, which led to strong cravings and a constant struggle. A trip to Valais in June where I ate without inhibition and found my peace of mind helped to give me a new perspective.

Weight Loss Graph. The red lines reflect my true weight better.

Weight Loss Graph. The red lines reflect my true weight better.

Mostly Plain Sailing
In July, my confidence grew again and I noticed a big change in my personality. I raised my daily calories and was less strict about what I ate and managed to eat like this until now, with only three cheat days.

During and After. Starting Weight 138kg/304lb. This is not supposed to be a ballet pose!

During and After. Starting Weight 138kg/304lb. This is not supposed to be a ballet pose!

What I did
Food
Counting calories or WW points. Writing down everything I ate. Weighing everything, sometimes obsessively. Planning ahead, preparing or packing food for the next day(s). I started with 2800 calories and ate 1600 to 1300 for many months (with more or less frequent binges in between). Since July, I am eating 1900-2000 calories per day. I eat 100g of protein per day and try to eat fruit and vegetables daily.

Exercise
Ballet! One or two ballet classes per day (mostly one rest day per week), trying to work hard. Occasional cardio interval training on the stationary bike. Since July, more frequent and intense cardio. I now do four sessions per week of 30 minute high intensity interval training on the elliptical cross trainer. A few Pilates exercises and three or four pushups now and then. Stretching. Some relevés to prepare for pointe. Oh, and does swinging on a swing count? I do that for half an hour every week at least.

Measuring progress/Motivation
Daily weigh-in: It drives some people mad, but it helps me. Taking progress pictures and comparing them. Taking measurements (irregularly). Keeping a few old clothes that are too big, or a dress that is too small that I want to ‘shrink’ into. The mirror in ballet class was very important, too. A visual help: I made two glasses with marbles, one labeled ‘pounds to go’ and one ‘pounds gone’. Small goals: I have a long list of mini-goals. There is always one within reach. Collecting pictures and quotes that inspire me. Inventing stories, daydreaming, conjuring up the feeling of being thin.

I moved the last marble today!

I moved the last marble today!

The Key Ingredient (at least for me)

BEING POSITIVE. Motivation, inspiration, joy. Focusing on the pleasing changes, using the energy of joy to keep up the work. I could never do it when I was beating myself up or ‘punishing’ myself. It isn’t always easy, but it’s much easier when you are positive.

Having a dream, a passion, a significant goal. Beauty, health, fitness, they are fine. But it was never enough for me. It worked when I identified with being thin, I felt that at heart, I was thin, I was a dancer, passionate and full of energy and music. I want to turn into who I really am, and it isn’t fat.

The Nice Things
Feeling and looking pretty. A nicer silhouette in ballet, in clothes and shoes. Fitting into all the chairs and seats (and swings, and clothes!). Not standing out negatively. Feeling light and strong and fit. Feeling as if I looked more like my true self than ever before. Better confidence, a feeling of power. Ballet: Everything! Jumps, flexibility, extension, relevé, lines in general, better axis, faster movement and being allowed to start pointe.

The Not Nice Things
Loose skin: The only places without it are my lower legs and forearms, upper chest and back. The rest looks horrible at the moment. My bosom is gone. I feel cold very fast. Hurting bones everywhere when I lie or sit on the floor. Shoes suddenly start rubbing on bones. Looking older in my face. People being jealous or cold.

What is next?
My scale has a body fat measuring function and tells me my body fat is 22%. I’m sure this can’t be, there are still lots of fat on me! I calculated it with a formula and got 31%, which seems more plausible. According to this, I could lose another 20 lb. of fat. That would make my goal weight 60 kg or roughly 130 lb. So, my new goal weight is 60 kg. Yet ultimately, the weight is not important. I want a lean, harmonious figure. I want to look as much like a ballet dancer as my genetics allow.

Conclusion
This weight loss ‘journey’ has been both wonderful and difficult. There were long stretches of time where it just worked and I didn’t struggle or suffer, where it was easy. I felt that I didn’t deserve all the praise before because I hadn’t struggled enough. But since then, I have been through many difficult phases. I’ve had to struggle with my old eating disorder (and it’s still there), feeling depressed, feeling deprived and exhausted, cold and lonely. I have worked very hard. I did it all by myself and I am very proud of myself. This is the greatest thing I ever achieved and the most wonderful gift I ever received. I have always dreamed of not being fat and now the dream has come true.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Health, Law of Attraction, Milestone and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to The Promised Big ‘Weight Loss Goal’ Blog Post

  1. Salina says:

    I only recently stumbled onto your blog and I first want to say, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! What an amazing accomplishment that you have worked so hard for. And second, you are an absolutely inspiration to me. I only started ballet 18 months ago at age 33, without ever having taken a class before. I struggle to find role models who don’t look like traditional ballerinas and who have never danced before trying ballet as an adult. I love reading your blog and hearing about your journey with ballet and improving your fitness.

    • annalienor says:

      Wow, thank you so much! It’s lovely to hear that I can inspire somebody. Keep it up, work hard and never give up, and you will accomplish things you never thought possible.

  2. Oh my gosh, what an amazing transformation! Seriously, reading your post felt so inspirational. Congratulations on reaching your original goal, and good luck on your new one.
    One of the first things I noticed about being smaller was how easily I get cold as well, but it’s so worth it during the hotter months when I’m not feeling like I’m overheating.

  3. Basia says:

    Wow!! Well done! What a transformation!!
    I know how you feeling about pride and happiness about your weight loss… Although I reckon you be even more proud than me given the amount you’ve lost. Again super job!

  4. The Lite Rider says:

    Have been happy for you with each successive weight decrease. My husband also lost a bunch of weight and is cold! The transformation in you is fantastic. Congratulations!

    • annalienor says:

      Thank you so much! How long ago did he lose weight? I read that the feeling cold grows less after a few years at the new weight.

      • The Lite Rider says:

        It’s only been about a year. But he did that to get off blood pressure med, and it worked. There were drawbacks, as even he thinks he lost it too quickly. Of course we are both older, and I think that can make a difference as well in terms of adjusting – and muscle loss.

  5. Congratulations! What an accomplishment! I’m looking forward to my goal too! Love your glass of marbles!
    http://www.talkingtomyweightlosscounselor.wordpress.com

  6. Reblogged this on Talking to My Weight Loss Counselor-God! and commented:
    This is a wonderful success story from one of my favorite blogs. She gives wonderful advice. I just love her pictures. Isn’t it wonderful. Please check out her blog.

  7. Becky Wayne says:

    Wonderful! How did the inner transformations come about? Any understanding on that?

    • annalienor says:

      Not sure… I remember being suddenly more alert to the beauty of the world, of music, nature, poetry. I focused on it, let it touch my heart and it grew within me. I tried to feed it with positive thoughts and the whole thing developed a strong momentum and swept me along to where I am now. Basically, I was trying to do and think and look at things that made me feel good.
      It’s Law of Attraction, if you believe in that.

  8. SPORTCENTRAL says:

    Really great work and great motivation for all of us! You are really great!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s