Diary-Style Post: Solar Eclipse, Weight Loss and Ballet Plans

The solar eclipse is just past its climax. It’s only a partial eclipse here. There are no clouds and the sunlight looks strangely pale. It is a little scary. One doesn’t think about the sun’s importance much in a normal day, but when it suddenly darkens, there is a weird, deeply threatening atmosphere. Maybe I’m imagining it, or I’ve seen too many apocalypse films, or maybe it’s a deep human fear, a remnant of ancient times. I remember the last eclipse from 1999 (was it?): We were in Turkey on holiday and everybody was out on the terrace of the hotel watching. The light was just as strangely changed and I remember feeling afraid then as well. I wish I could go outside to have a look…

***

I’m sick of trying to lose weight because I see no progress. My weight hovers around 65 kg. I want to finish, to lose the fat from my thighs and backside and then try and maintain. I don’t know why the weight loss is so slow. Am I eating too much? Too little? Should I give up sweeteners (I don’t think I can)? Should I do more cardio or more strength training? Should I stop the intermittent fasting again? Would a diet break be helpful or just delay me even more? I did have a binge last Saturday, hoping it would shock my body into action, but after the first few days of gain and loss, I’m back almost where I began. I do know that I am not sleeping enough and it is making me moody and hungry and weak. I am often skipping cardio now. The mere thought of it makes me tired, while before, I felt as if I had endless energy. I want to go home and ‘be normal’ and spend more time in my flat instead of at AS. And I’m very cold most of the time which makes me feel irritated. I’m not sure if the reason is lack of sleep alone, or whether my body is slowing down, telling me to stop losing weight. If only I could know my body fat percentage for sure… My scale tells me it is around 20%. But my thighs and hips are huge and have thick layers of fat still, and there is some on my stomach, arms and back, although the muscles are visible. I think that because of the loose skin, my fat is not tightly spread over the muscles like on a thin woman, but loosely left in the skin. So, my muscles are clearly defined in certain positions while in others, there are rolls and bulges. Oh dear…

I just want to feel happy and strong and full of life and energy once more. And be thin. Is this impossible? I’m not giving up yet. I NEED to give it another try. Sleep more, for a start. I’m sure that will make everything easier. Try to do a little more cardio. And keep up the diet for now.

And I have been thinking about my goals in ballet and what I do to reach them. I did a lot of stretching for the last few months. Well, I spent a lot of time on it. But I didn’t follow my program consistently, I didn’t hold certain stretches long enough, I didn’t do the painful releases often enough. And (maybe for those reasons) I saw little progress. A little better extension and a slightly deeper cambré. But still no full splits and still a low arabesque and small turnout. Now, I want to progress in another area: technique. And for that, I need to spend time outside of class working on it. Strength, stability, active range of motion: I need to do Pilates and floor barre exercises, relevés, balancing, jumps and spotting and more pointe work. I am going to put together a program of exercises and spend more time on these. Strength in my legs is a priority: A high, stable, un-sickled relevé. A fully pointed foot when doing assemblé and jumps from one foot. A solid pirouette position. Every time! I’m no longer overweight. No more excuses! I’m not getting younger. Improvement is not going to get easier. I want to dance well and not be stuck at this level for ages. So I need to do it now.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Ballet, Health and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Diary-Style Post: Solar Eclipse, Weight Loss and Ballet Plans

  1. I’m curious about what part of wod you are in seeing the partial eclipse.
    Also, I’ve lost 75 pounds just eating only three meals a day, no snacks, and half portions. It’s a slow but steady weight loss. I can live this way because I’m not dieting. When I cried out to God in desperation ( I weighed 241), this is how He led me to eat. It has worked and I feel free!
    http://www.talkingtomyweightlosscounselor.wordpress.com

  2. Olivia says:

    I keep reminding myself to stick with it- keep doing what I’m doing and there will be visible changes eventually. I think it’s about a plateau, our bodies work individually and maybe yours is just taking a pause? I read this article : http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/06/how-sleep-loss-adds-to-weight-gain/?_r=0 and it makes sense. There are lots of studies about sleep and stress, weight loss, etc.
    I think eclipses are cool- what a fantastic time to realize: we.are.a.planet. 😀 I would agree that they are eerie… I am in USA and didn’t know there was an eclipse ;( Lame.
    Hang in there, you got this!

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