Even though we don’t live far away, Mother has never seen the Matterhorn, one of the best-known Swiss mountain peaks. So we planned to drive to Zermatt to have a look at the famous rock today.
I got up really early and went up to the brook path to run. This time, I was feeling a little less fit, especially on the climb up to the beginning of the trail and the first half of the run. Nevertheless, I ran for thirty minutes with only short breaks of walking and could have gone on after that. I listened to music and got into a trance-like state for some moments where I seemed to be flying or moving effortlessly through the trees, carried by the rhythm of the music. It was wonderful. I felt strong and light and did not care about my size or my age or any of the other things that make me feel inferior. I liked this part of myself and that is why I was happy. Moving and music always make me happy, and the addition of beauty (in the form of nature) and the cool, fragrant air and golden morning sunlight did the rest to make it a sublime pleasure. How strange that I could go from feeling like the scum of the earth to THIS in only one day.
When I came back to the chalet, my parents were still asleep. I showered and began making breakfast and later did some stretching with the Deuserband. I miss ballet classes! Maybe I’ll do at least a few exercises tomorrow. We left on time after breakfast this morning and drove to Täsch. You can’t drive further up the valley because Zermatt, at the foot of the Matterhorn, allows no cars. We left the car and took the shuttle train to Zermatt, where we had our first glimpse of the Matterhorn (actually, I had seen it once before from afar, years ago on a school trip). Zermatt is extremely tourist-y with souvenir shops, watch shops etc. all along the streets. There are some old wooden houses and barns, however. And there is of course the famous mountain. We walked through the main street towards it until we had a good view and took some pictures. Then we had lunch in a garden restaurant and went slowly back. It was deliciously cool and breezy up in Zermatt (we’re having a heatwave in Switzerland right now). I even saw a small glacier.
On the way back, it got hotter and hotter and we had to do some shopping as well. I had another argument with Father. It was pointless and once we were back at the chalet, I decided to let it go. I went to my bedroom and ate lots of chocolate (I had managed to dart into a kiosk and buy some in an unobserved moment. See, I’m trying to be honest here) and then started writing about the last day. While I wrote, I shed quite a few tears and gained some insight into my current situation. We then had dinner and I volunteered to do all the washing up and clean the kitchen afterwards. It was calming, actually.
The moon is rising now, big and yellow and full. I sat outside for some minutes, looking at it and trying to think something significant and deep because tomorrow will be my thirtieth birthday. All I could really think about were the sweets I’m going to eat and the shower I want to take later, however. And this thought: I somehow feel as if this was a huge step and as if I had to prepare for it, but I don’t know how. I am nowhere near as strong and ‘evolved’ and adult as I think I should be for my age. My birthday is not going to magically change anything about that. I won’t suddenly never struggle with food again or never cry or be silly or afraid again. All it means is that I will be ONE DAY OLDER. Nothing else. I will go on growing, making progress (with regressions now and then) and learning. I hope I will never stop. I don’t have to be perfect now. It truly is enough to ‘advance, and never halt, for advancing is perfection’.