Anniversary And Rings, Oh My!

This last week, several things came up with Tom that made me feel seriously couple-y. We had an anniversary, something that felt a bit like an argument, and we want to give each other rings.

Tuesday was exactly six months after our first kiss. We got up like every morning and I packed my ballet bag and we had breakfast and talked normally. Only just before leaving, I suddenly asked Tom if he wanted to do something that night. He was surprised and said he thought I would go to ballet class. I said I would if we didn’t have any plans, but ‘Tom, it’s the 24th!’ Tom was a bit overwhelmed, because he hadn’t thought of it and hadn’t known the exact date, so I said we didn’t have to do anything and we said we would see, and talked about something else on the way to work. At work, I kept feeling bad, as if we had had a fight, or as if I had behaved wrongly. Tom wrote to me, saying he would like to invite me to dinner at the pizzeria if I wanted, and I wrote that I would like to go if he had time. I hurried home and took a shower, still feeling vaguely bad. I didn’t want to feel that way with Tom on that special day. I felt a need to talk to Tom, to explain myself or apologise.

But my thoughts and emotions were very tangled and vague. It took a huge effort to force myself to sort them out. This is what I found, and what I told Tom when he came home: I felt sorry for having brought up the topic in that way and at that time, because I felt it had put him in an awkward position. I should have either told him the week or day before that it was an anniversary and that I wanted to celebrate it, or not have mentioned it at all and let it go. In retrospect, I realised that I had given the anniversary a lot of importance in my mind, and had wished to celebrate it with Tom, but suppressed my wish because it seemed weak or sentimental or needy. But then when he didn’t mention it, it had somehow come out in the last moment in that stupid way. I told him all this, hiding my face in his neck, and he said everything was ok and that there was no need to apologise. He had even brought me roses. No idea if he had felt a little resentful before, or bad about himself. He gave no sign of it. I felt ok again, and as if the tension between us had passed. Maybe it was only on my side that this felt like a little disagreement or fight and a reconciliation. Then we went to the pizzeria at the corner and had a nice evening. Nothing very special, but we both agreed that the six months had gone by fast, and that we were very happy together.

I have learned from this that I need to acknowledge my wishes, not try to suppress them. It is normal and natural to have wishes and expectations in a relationship. I want to be open and accessible, not sneaky, manipulative or passive-aggressive. But this is exactly what happens whenever I try to ignore my wishes; they force their way out in strange ways. And I want to know his wishes as well, and not have to guess or wonder what he isn’t telling me.

***

Wednesday: Before ballet class, I had some time and went shopping at the train station. There was a shop with jewellery, silver, crystals, etc. and I saw rings, so I went in. I really like rings, now that I have pretty and slender fingers, and wanted to try some on. The radio was playing and they talked about football, a fact which is important for later. After trying on some rings with pretty stones, I saw a tray of plain polished and matt silver rings. Immediately, I thought of Tom and that we might wear rings as a symbol of belonging together. Months ago, he had said he would wear a ring if I wanted him to, and the idea had stuck in my head since then. We had been talking about rings in general and rings on men, and I had had said no, no, he didn’t have to (it was really early on), and pretty much left it at that, not giving his comment much importance. But in my mind, I have often wished to have a ring from Tom.

I have long had the habit of associating pieces of jewellery with ideas or people. A crystal I wore for years symbolized having more than one facet. My pearl bracelet symbolised change and passion for ballet and life. My current silver infinity ring reminds me of being more than a body, and being true to myself. I wear the necklace Tom gave me for Christmas when he is away and I want to feel connected to him, but a ring has a stronger symbolism. Of course, there is also the idea of ownership, of ‘marking one’s territory’, so to speak, but I wouldn’t feel marked or trapped, especially if Tom wore a ring as well.

Anyway, I tried some on and thought about it and then let it go and went to ballet class. Before going to sleep, Tom and I were talking in the dark and I told him something about football that I had heard somewhere, and then couldn’t remember where, and then remembered that it had been in the jewellery shop, so I told him, and also told him how the shop reminded me of shops in Italy and that I had gone in to try on rings. Then Tom said, ‘I think I’ll have to give you a ring after all.’ I was surprised and immediately felt guilty, wondering if I had been somehow manipulating him into fulfilling my wish. In a way, my wish seemed sentimental and silly to me. But no, it had only been in my head, I had not consciously tried to bring rings into conversation. I smiled and Tom added, ‘For your birthday, for example.’ Or something like that. I smiled and asked him if he would wear one, too, and he said yes. I kissed him and we held hands and I felt very happy.

The next evening, Tom came home and a few minutes later, he asked me when we would go ring shopping. I was pleasantly surprised by his eagerness and teasingly asked him if he was suddenly in a hurry. He continued the joking, saying he had enough money now and he didn’t want to wait until my birthday. We agreed to go to that shop next Thursday. Tom had never worn a ring before and I warned him that it takes time to get used to it and said it will look good with his beautiful hands. They’re not engagement rings or anything, just ‘friendship rings’, as they are called here, or partner rings, promise rings, whatever. Just to symbolise that we belong together. Anyway, I am very happy and love the idea, and am looking forward to interlacing our fingers with our rings on… Sentimental, I know.

That evening, at dinner, I told him about a talk with my boss and about some issues with myself, being very open and getting tears in my eyes. I feel so messed up sometimes and so unlovable, yet he said he loved me and wished he could help me. He does help me so much, just by being there, by his love for me. He also once told me that I was his motivation and his reward, not another stressor in his busy life as I had feared.

***

It suddenly seems even more real and serious that Tom and I really do have a relationship. It still surprises me. But we seem to have found each other by some miracle, and are happy together. I still have doubts now and again, and still wonder if this is true great love or if I will suddenly grow tired of it or fall in love with somebody else, and that scares me. But for now, everything is wonderful.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Law of Attraction, Love, Milestone. Bookmark the permalink.

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