Twelve Days of Christmas

I had twelve days off work and lots of time with Tom. Here are the best moments of these Christmas holidays:

22nd December: Tom and I went to buy a Christmas tree, just like last year. We also got a sprig of mistletoe and listened to the same old Christmas CD as last year while we decorated the tree. There was one moment which was especially lovely and memorable: My favourite song was playing and Tom held me in his arms and we rocked a little in time to the music. He then played his favourite, which is ‘Hark, the herald angels sing’ and I felt so full of love and warm and cosy and Christmas-y. That night, there was passion and love and closeness between us and I was extremely happy.

***

Christmas Eve: It was… ok. Tom was working and I was alone and went to my family at night. Dinah still won’t see me and we still have to have two separate celebrations back to back, one with me and one with her. I was first this year and it felt rushed and although we all tried to have a nice evening without pretending everything was ok, it very much stressed the fact that our family is divided because of that. No use trying to recreate the magic of Christmas from childhood. No use wishing things were different. I can’t do anything but wait for Dinah… Still, I listened to my emotions and my body and even though I felt sad, I managed to go to bed at peace with myself.

***

Two nights with June: Christmas Day and one week later. We ate biscuits and chocolate and talked about lots of things, ballet, love, life, and we both have something to give each other in terms of insight, support and life lessons. I still hesitate to ask June for support when I feel down, but she is my best friend (apart from Tom) and I really like her.

***

Christmas with Tom: We saw each other on the 26th because he had to work until then. I had invited my family for coffee (and made a lovely Tarte Tatin). They all came except for Dinah and we sat around the table and talked merrily. My Christmas tree is very large this year, so it was crowded. Father was very lively and interesting, probably wanting to impress Tom, and Tom was too polite to interrupt, so he hardly got a word in. After they had gone home, Tom and I prepared for our own little Christmas celebration. We ate raclette again and then had coffee in the living room and opened our gifts. Tom gave me a lovely watch with stars in it. I love the fact that he recognises my love of the stars and that it makes him give me stars as jewellery. I gave him a spinning top that looked just like the one in ‘Inception’, a film he loves, and a huge model of a space ship. We had lots of fun unpacking it and trying all the features. Gina was afraid of the darts it can shoot. A lovely moment: Tom was playing ‘Hark, the herald angels sing’ to me and holding me in his arms. I didn’t like the interpretation, but it still felt very Christmas-y.

***

Finally seeing Tom’s flat: One day, Tom and I went to visit his mother and sisters. Tom had forgotten his ring at home, but he badly wanted to wear it for the visit (so sweet), so we made a detour to B to get it. I had never seen his flat before because Tom always said it wasn’t very nice and he didn’t think it presentable, but now we were there, so I asked him if I might come up and have a look. He had described it to me, but I’m curious and always like to know how people live so that I can imagine their lives better. Tom agreed and we went up. It was pretty much as I had imagined it from his description, even tidier, although it looked like a real bachelor’s den. Functional, with a big TV, but neither beautiful nor hospitable. The only thing that really surprised me were the posters on the walls. Three in the living room, showing half-naked women’s bodies, and a similar one in the bedroom (together with some more more goth-y ones). They weren’t tasteful or artistic which I might like, but not really vulgar, either. Just… not at all like Tom. Tom seemed quite ashamed of them and told me he had put them up years ago and didn’t even notice them anymore. That makes sense. Those posters represent a younger, less educated and thoughtful man than the Tom I know. He, too, has grown a lot over the six or seven years they hung there. When I think back to who I was then… I’d have quite a few things to be ashamed of as well. No, I was a little disappointed and saw Tom in a different, less favourable light for a moment, but it passed. I also must admit that I compared myself to the ‘perfect’ bodies on those posters and felt bad because I don’t have anything like that to offer Tom. Still, I’m glad I finally saw his flat. Now I can imagine him living there when we are apart and feel closer to him.

***

Seeing Tom’s Family again: After visiting his flat, we drove to L. Tom’s youngest sister was there with her children, which made everything very turbulent. People got up from the table all the time to run after the children and they were allowed to play with their food and waste kitchen towels etc., so it never was quiet. There was no conversation, either, besides the topic of children and pets. Tom’s mother asked both of us after our work, but not much was said about our lives or any interesting thoughts exchanged or anything. Tom’s grandmother joined us for coffee and showed us her house when we brought her home. We were all nice to each other, but I felt unsatisfied. Tom agreed with me later and said he wished we could have quiet, more meaningful talks with more depth. Not necessarily intellectual ones, as his family isn’t academic (thank God, or I would feel intimidated), but personal ones. I felt as if we didn’t know each other any better when we left again, which is a pity. (Tom’s mother sent me such a lovely Christmas card, too.)

***

New Year’s Eve with Tom. We played a Star Wars board game all night, ate raclette, and finished playing just in time for midnight. Standing in the kitchen in an embrace, with glasses of Champagne ready, we kissed as the new year began, then drank a toast. Mother called to wish us a happy new year and later we went over to the church terrace to watch the fireworks. There were lots of (mostly drunk) people there, which felt like sacrilege, and the fireworks were hardly visible because it was so foggy. We were freezing and soon went back home. The nicest moment was later in bed, when we held each other and Tom told me that he had been so happy last year because of me. I said,’Me, too,’ and added that it had probably been my best year so far, and he said it was the same for him. We kissed and held each other very close and there was a moment of almost painful bliss as well as that feeling of ‘this isn’t real’ that I sometimes have, and I almost got tears in my eyes, but I said nothing. We fell asleep holding hands, which we often do, but this time Tom also had his arm around me.

About annalienor

Lover of beauty, adult ballet student, deliberate creator wannabe.
This entry was posted in Family, Friends, Love, Milestone, Moment, My Flat. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s