This birthday was the best I’ve had for a long time. I woke up after a period of dozing and opened the shutters on a cool, rainy morning. Gina jumped onto the window sill and I gave her a treat and a kiss and then went to get dressed and make breakfast. Tom was in B, sleeping after a night working at the Casino, but he had given me a card before he left. (We had had two good weeks together since the last entry where I had written about doubts and having to talk. Let’s just say that I suddenly hadn’t felt the need to talk and my reason for it seemed far-fetched, so I let it go.) I first drank coffee and looked at Tumblr before opening my cards. Tom’s mother and sister had written, then Sissy, and last came Tom’s card. It was red and heart-shaped, almost a little tacky. But he had written the sweetest things: ‘My dear Aliénor, I wish you all the best for your birthday with all my heart. You are such a precious and wonderful person and I am really indescribably happy that we have found each other. Stay the way you are. I love you more than anything, my darling.’
I was moved and felt intense gratitude and joy for having a person in my life who appreciates me so much. Having it written down on a card made it tangible and real: somebody loves me just as I am. And this is wonderful.
Full of warm feelings, I began to bake cakes, prepare work lunches and tidy up before going to a strength class at AS. I had felt the urge to go for a run, but it was really cold and rainy, so I postponed it. The class was really hard, but something about working hard in a group with loud music makes me feel so powerful, especially weightlifting. Then I hurried home, had lunch, cleaned the flat and decorated the cakes. Tom was coming early, so I had little time and just finished showering when he arrived.
He carried a big, wrapped present. Just then, my aunt called to wish me a happy birthday and then Tom suggested opening the present now because it was something ‘to try out’. I had somehow guessed that he might give me a new coffee machine, but he had denied it. Then I had thought it might be a tea machine, but we had never talked about it and I thought it might be something entirely different. The first thing he gave me was a book he had told me I would get, called ‘Cuddle Sutra’, full of cuddling positions. We are both really big cuddlers. While looking through it together, sitting on the bed, Gina came and began to cuddle with Tom. Then I opened the big present. It was a tea machine! And a very beautiful one, too, with coloured lights. We tried it out immediately. Then we had dinner, one of my favourite meals, grilled lamb kebabs with homemade pita and cucumber salad, followed by chocolate cake.
Later in bed, we snuggled and held each other very close and I told Tom that I loved him so much, and he said the same. I just felt very content and grateful and happy.